Sacrificing Your Career for Your Spouse
As I read, the title of the morning news topic while I ran on the treadmill, I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Would you sacrifice your career for your spouse?” ran in large letters across the screen. I was
running on a treadmill in England which was my big outing from the Airbnb that day while I traveled
with my husband for work. I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would be unemployed
following a man around, but here I was. What baffled me about the news segment was how many
people made it seem so normal to quit your marriage instead of your career if a sacrifice was called
for. Now, I was raised by a single-mom who wanted me to be an independent woman and a dad who
wanted me to be an engineer, like him. How in the world did I end up following my husband around
Europe for his career?! And for the record, I am highly independent (to a fault) and also have an
undergraduate degree in biomedical engineering which I have literally never ever used in my actual
career. In the past week I’ve met multiple women who are taking a break from their careers to be
with their spouses while they are stationed here or moved here for their careers. Part of this is just
being a #miltitarywife, but I know plenty of other women making these types of sacrifices that don’t
have a spouse in the military. So, why is there a stigma against women (or men for that matter)
taking a break in their careers? Why does our society train us that if you are sacrificing something as
important as your career for your husband, then you must be weak or at the very least be the one
getting paid less?
I am here to be one tiny voice against the stigma. I did not quit my job and move across the world
because I was making less than my husband and we chose his salary. I did not quit my job to start a
family. I did not quit my job because I am weak, and as an enneagram 8, I take high offense to that.
No, I quit my job with no other job lined up, because God called me to make a sacrifice in order to
keep my marriage together. When Joe and I got the call in Boston five years ago that we were being
moved to Louisiana, my boss at the time told me I should divorce him so that I could continue down
my career path. She even tried to entice me with an early promotion as if that would be enough for
me to leave my marriage. When I got married, I made a covenant vow to God that I would never
leave this man. I know that not everyone gets married for the same reasons, but I almost stopped
the treadmill in bewilderment when I read that people were actually quitting their marriages in order
to advance in their career. Why in the world did you get married in the first place? Now, if you’ve
made it this far through my rant, you may be thinking “Wow, Theresa, that’s easy for you to say, your
marriage must not be hard.” HAH! I have cried more tears in the past year due to the difficulties in
my marriage than probably any year of my life yet. Hear me please, if God calls you to sacrifice
something in your life, it doesn’t necessarily mean He is going to grant you rainbows and sunshine in
return. I chose to sacrifice my career and it is hard. My marriage is far from perfect, but it’s better
than working half a world away, or working a job that pulls me further away from my husband.
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| He may make me crazy, but he is worth far more to me than any career. |
Here is one thing God is teaching me through this season of sacrifice. Your identity is not your
success in your career. Your identity is not your career. Your identity is not your productivity. When
Jesus walked on this earth, He asked many of his disciples to quit their jobs and drop everything to
follow Him. I am certainly not equating my imperfect self to one of the men who walked the earth
with Jesus, but when God asks me to follow, my first act of obedience is to say yes. Regardless of
what you believe, I am praying for your marriage today! I encourage you to put it first, fight for it, and
if you don’t have anything left to give, then ask for help.
In the end, I think that God has only called me to unemployed status for a season, but I am at peace
with the fact that wherever He is leading me, it will be better than what I could have planned. What
am I doing with all my free time? I certainly think that busy people are far more productive than
people with nothing on the calendar. When not traveling or planning our next trip, I am reading the
bible, training for a half marathon, cooking, and reading my 2020 book list.
